The scary thing about commitment.
Oct 04, 2007 in Diary-writer
The word 'commitment' keeps resurfacing in my life every day. The more I look at it, the more powerful it becomes, the more powerful it becomes, the scarier it gets, the scarier it gets, the more terrified I get of it, the more terrified I get of it, the more I feel like chickening out.
I suppose the fact that I find 'commitment' a powerful word means good actually. It means I don't take it lightly, that I choose to see it as a word to respect, and that when I choose to give it away, I mean I will give it away. Doesn't that quite mean that I'm reliable, trustable, and that I honour my word with my own actions?
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Eric and I are talking about marriage (yes we're still in that talking stage). I used to be frustrated like hell because it was all talk and no action, in a NATO kind of situation, I sounded like a desperado seeking justice and answers, and then today it sort of hit me. What I fear most comes from myself. It's all me, that I'm terrified of. I'm scared that the moment he asks me, I'll have to make a positive choice, and that once I make a positive choice, I can't back out.
So what's up, minishorts? What's going on in your life?