just minishorts.

Yes it's true. I'm going to go on a religious rant all over again.

It seems that I've aged to a point in my life where I've only just begun to see the cowardly contents behind that holier-than-thou facade that fundamentalists so proudly wear. I know too many of them, the type who pride themselves in their religious walk with God simply because they go to Church more often, say grace aloud (and in Shakespearean English some more), and that they usher more people into the kingdom of God. The type who choose sermons tinged with messages of hellfire and brimstone, and think it's more regal of them to be divisive about doctrine-related stuff, to cook up stories like three-levels of heavens and making outright snide remarks about Catholics and the Pope, or calling Christians who get baptised as infants 'not-Christian' enough.

You see, the last thing I learnt in languages, told me that the -ian suffix behind the word denotes a person who chooses to believe in the Messiah, hence Christians are 'followers' of Christ.

Then again, I'm also worried about this, because emotional outbursts jotted down anywhere are naked to negative reactions, and it is not to say that I am being entirely kind in this little soliloquy of mine.

The situation: I was locked in a conversation with a Christian who claims to be on fire for the Lord today. I say locked because I felt captured in a cage of self-deception.

Now to me this is sad, because on a personal note I've always admired the character of those who demonstrated fire for God, people like Mother Teresa or Martin Luther King, or even kindred spirits of a different faith, like the monks and nuns who chose to devote their lives to the belief of Buddhism, for example — I've always admired not only for their zeal, but more so the discipline and total surrender to the teachings. Truly it takes character to do such things, but I've also learnt to realize that monks and nuns don't ever go around telling everyone, 'Lookie, lookie, I'm a proud fundamentalist.'

But my Christian friend was telling me just how comforted he was in his life because he had now learn the wonders of 'surrendering' to God, and that things were going really well because he was truly living by faith only. Now of course this wasn't exactly the main focus of the conversation, the focus of the conversation was about making decisions to purchase a particular phone model that we had just saw at a shopping mall counter, and our friend here was at a dilemma as to which model would suit him best.

'Seriously lah I dunno which model to choose lah,' he told me at the end of the day, after asking my opinions on which particular brand I would purchase if I were him.

'Well at the end of the day it's your money, and all it takes from you its a decision. Just choose, buy, and live with it. Or choose not to buy, and live with it. Easy right?'

'Haiyah… but. but…'

'What's there to but. Just decide lah.'

'Aiyoh, I dunno lah. Maybe I will just pray about it, and then see what God says.'

…

SEE LAH SEE LAH YOU GERAM OR NOT? I TELL YOU NO WONDER PEOPLE KENOT TAHAN THOSE BUBBLE-WRAPPED CHRISTIANS LAH, THESE IDIOTS WALK AROUND WITH BLINKING SIGNBOARDS ON THEIR HEADS DECLARING TO THE WHOLE DARN WORLD THAT THEY'RE PURITANS AND TRUE CHRISTIANS BECAUSE THEY GOT DUNKED INTO WATER AND HAVE RECEIVED THE SIGNS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT BECAUSE THEY BABBLE AT WORSHIPPED SESSIONS, AND THEY GO AROUND TELLING PEOPLE YOU YOU YOU GOING TO HELL BECAUSE YOU DON'T BELIEVE JESUS CHRIST DIED AND LIVED AGAIN, blardy hell wanna link me to these people also I malu…

Come on lah, it's just a fucking decision. JUST MAKE UP YOUR MIND and CHOOSE. Wanna go back to pray and see what God says? How God will answer your prayer?

(Foul Rant Over)

So I asked him that. 'Errr… how you pray and how you know God answer your prayer woh?'

'Oh, I will go home, sit in a quiet corner, read the bible, and God is so great, I will know it from the page I turn to.'

'…'

So I got pissed lah. Come on lah. Since when did God give us free will for nothing? If you really had faith in God, then God would permeate your entire life. You would live life in true faith, which is to say that you are able to rest in the comfort that God would make right all things in your life, because He cares for you, and no matter what decision you choose to make, the outcome will always be okay because God allows it.

Or maybe I've got all my concepts of The Higher One wrong and making the right decision really is about going back to a quiet corner and flipping the bible to see which word or verse I spot first.