just minishorts.

Our guodali is happening in a few hours and I am anything but exhausted. Nope I didn't take anything to stall the impending period, and the breakouts are starting (damn period why do you have to come just around the wedding?).

My mom's empty nest syndrome has gone on hyperdrive - hah, can you believe her? She asked me whether I would have lunch ready for me after the ceremony, and all I said was 'Don't worry Mom,' and she went ballistics.

'What don't worry? I know you are very clever and you have everything all figured out, I'm just asking if you will have anything to eat for lunch on that day…'

'Of course mum, we ordered food so you don't have to worry…'

'You really don't have to talk like that ok. I'm just asking, it's not that I want to worry about you ok, I know you know how to take care of yoursef, just answer properly, why must you talk like that?'

…

OK best to stay quiet. I think Eric has learnt to stay quiet whenever I shrink into my bridezilla mode (I swear I'm only bridezilla on ONE person and that's Eric so he takes all the flack, the dear boy!).

…

Planning for the guodali has been one of the major contributors to our wedding stress. About a month ago when we met up (both our families) at a restaurant to discuss the 'pinkam' (dowry), my mom went 'Just give a token.'

Deciding what exactly 'a token' is has been a huge headache. Because there isn't a figure told, Eric can't decide what's right to give - too much and you'll be seen as showing off, too little and God forbid, people wll say that he didn't give my mother 'face'. Damn these Chinese traditions. Why do we have to go through them?

Some of my friends have been asking why do we Chinese see the pig as so important on weddings? And how do we get the pig across the roads to the other house?

Here's the answer: You put it in the car boot. No really, seriously, it's not a live pig, It's a roasted one, and the guys family is supposed to put the pig into the car and drive it to the bride's house. No, the groom is not supposed to come for the guodali. Yes there are other things included besides the pig, my mom asked for the two bottles of wine, and apples and oranges, a dress for me, the kaluipeng (marriage biscuits) and etc, and all of this are arriving at my house…

Of course the brides family isn't supposed to just take the things and sit tight. There's the 'huili', since the Chinese are very particular that we always give in return. So the pig that comes to my house will have its head and its tail chopped off, where my family will keep the BODY, to be chopped up and given to friends and relatives as a celebration of my impending marriage. The part where the body used to be will then have a basket of two bottles of honey, two bottles of F&N Orange, some apples and oranges (taken from whatever we received), a belt, a wallet and a pair of pants for Eric and etc…

In days long past the pig wouldn't arrive before the wedding, but instead, the parents of the bride would be looking out for their daughter's visit home along with the arrival of a pig. The pig, in chinese, sounds like the word 'pearl', and the pearl is a symbol of the girl's purity. So a satisfied groom's family is obliged to send the pig informing the bride's family that 'thank you yah, your daughter is really really a good pearl virgin, we liked it'.

Traditions. Yes, we Chinese have very strange ones.

These days we take the pig ON the wedding day itself, but my mum decided to get a little more creative, and to save time, we're taking the pig during the guodali. So, I GET ROAST PORK to eat tomorrow!!! Yay!

I think it's really funny how in Malaysia, the 'take the wedding photos before the wedding' practice has evolved into a 'must do' tradition.

As I have previously mentioned, Eric and I have unanimously agreed NOT to go the distance the usual Chinese way, but instead do an el cheapo short cut. We didn't sign up for any bridal package at any bridal studio, and so we didn't get to experience the one wedding gown three dinner gowns photography package that they're always pushing to brides and grooms to be.

Now I'm deliberately putting that paragraph here for the benefit of friends who read this blog so that they won't ask either one of us when we meet, and also for those who have been invited for the wedding so that you don't go asking 'so where is your album' when we do meet on the wedding day.

Yes, we're cheap, yes we're not so normal, yes, we decided that we didn't want to do the traditional thing, yes, yes, yes we're spending a lot lesser…well actually we're not because bridal studio packages does allow us more economic space).

But look, DO EITHER ERIC OR ME look remotely like the type who can stand still and stare into each other's eyes in front of a stranger with a gigantic camera? This was precisely the reason why I enlisted the help of my friend Leonard and his brother (who run Front Page Studio) to take our photos - at least I've known Leonard for a few years now and being photographed by a friend is anytime better than being shot, literally, by a bridal studio-sent photographer who will probably be speaking cantonese and asking us to 'Get closer get closer ok look into his eyes, ok, still,still still…'

But a while ago, we did succumb to the pressure and decided to do a 'mock' photoshoot session. It definitely helped that my Godbrother Steven had just purchased his first DSLR so Eric requested a favour. Thank God for awesome friends, so at least, now, we can confess to having 'pre-wedding photos'.

I'm both excited and nervous at the realization that my singlehood is about to come to an end very, very soon. We were chatting at Jaya32's Pappa Rich toda, my fiance, his best man and myself, chatting over a very strange concoction of lychee cincau, when Eric asked the best man why hasn't he managed to stay in a relationship, or whether he actually plans to get married one day.

'I am not putting off the possibility that I will get married one day, but I need to find the right woman,' he said. So I chipped in,

'What happened to the one you were dating earlier?'

'I couldn't stand her complaining. I guess there's the number one criteria, I really can't stand a woman who keeps complaining.'

Eric grinned and then patted him on the back, 'Oh hoh hoh, good luck man. TRUST ME, EVERY WOMAN COMPLAINS… tell me when you do find one who doesn't.'

Stupid dungu of a future-husband I have.

I look at it this way. We women, we have this need inbuilt into us, or maybe as Eckhart Etolle calls it, our pain-bodies have resulted in us being severely dissatisfied beings that just have to seek for opportunitiees to keep ourselves feeling pain all the time. And as a result of being in pain, we make noises about it, so yes yes, we complain, we rant, but we look at it as a way of expressing ourselves, its how we communicate something.

So if you're male, single and looking for more than just sex in a woman but want someone who doesn't complain, dude, think of the voices as wind in your ears, and if it hurts your drums too much, imagine that you've grown imaginary wings that can flap the noise away. Or if your girlfriend or wife's nagging voice is starting to annoy the shit out of you, surprise her and look at her, and then tell her, 'does it matter, I LOVE YOU no matter what…'

Or just keep quiet and pretend to pay attention. Come on, if we girls can pay attention to you when you talk about how big a model's boobs are, or how fantastic it is to have a manifold intake installed into your car, and how lovely those latest RM6k rims would look on your racer, I'm sure you can give us THAT little bit of space to let out all the steam in the air. My Eric does that, whenever I'm stressed at work because my staff's a little too dense to understand my instructions or my boss requires me to do something strange and completely out of sync with normal practices or whenever my mom annoys me because she complains so much, or whenever I go shopping and I find out that they're not offering any discounts on a bag I have been eyeing for weeks, I will call Eric and throw all my pains in the world to him.

He listens to me bitch and rant, and he allows me to scold him and shout at him and complain about how lousy he treats me  (but he treats me well lah), because he knows I'm there for him to listen to him rave about cars, and car magazines, I'm there for him to discuss which actress has a better body (Jessica Biel is so whoa), and I'm still there even though he says I've got thunder arms.

So we take some, we give some, is a cliche that is oversaid but definitely necessary. There's a whole lot of other idiosyncrasies about staying in a marriage that previously both Eric and I have never explored before. Trust, among a few things… but that's something to talk about in another post altogether. But there's this little thing I learnt about men and women, in general, is that we are way way different communicators. When a woman is quiet, withdrawn, and requests to be left alone, beware,she's really really angry. If she rants and raves and screams, annoying as it is, it is actualy really really easy to take her out of her rage.

And its the opposite for men.. When a man is quiet, withdrawn, and requests to be left alone, it means he's really happy. Now doesn't that revelation makes you think God has a very naughty sense of humour when he made us such opposing communication types?

About one and a half weeks ago I wrote about my increasing weight and my desperate wishes of slimming down so that I could fit into the gown. So when you've got goals to get that beach body, you'll get all the help you need and fitness magazines are way way more interesting to read than Cleo or Her World, and I must have been 'attracting' the kind of information that I was desperately looking for. So I found this stash of back copies of Fitness and Shape left by my uncle's ex tenant, and decided to bring the magazines home. Interestingly there so happened to be this special feature called 'Bride to be confessions' in 2008's Issue No. 8, featuring three to four pages full of the survey results.

The article definitely came at the right time. Some of the notable points I found worth recording (so that I can chuck out the book eventually but still be able to come back here to have a laugh) are as follows:

More than twice as many women as men want to lose weight for their wedding (83% vs 34%). I know I definitely fall into the 83% but did you know that my Eric too falls into the 34% of the male population bent on looking thinner for the wedding?

Brides are willing to give up sugar(32%)and carbs (28%) to look fab  on their wedding day. They're also up for sacrificing their gifts (25%) and honeymoon (26%) if it mean reaching their ideal weight by the I-do's. Some would even be willing to gain 25% pounds (23%) later, if it meant losing 15 in time to walk down the aisle. I only fall into the give up sugar and carbs part. The honeymoon? Damn, no amount of weight loss is WORTH losing my private villa escapade!

1 in 7 women say they'd fast for a week before heading to the altar. Fitness added their thoughts and felt that women who fasted would be too week before walking down the aisle, but, tsk tsk, Fitness, being American, has never heard of Brands Essence of Chicken before. I've requested for shots of American Ginseng to help me stay awake and ahead on the big day, so yah, I'll probably fast for a bit before the aisle march.

29% would move in with their mother-in-law if it meant reaching their ideal weight in time for the Big Day. Ermmm, no hoh. Eric and I spent two years thinking about moving in with either parents, and he said that he has waited his whole life to strut around the house naked and have sex in the living room, so parents are a definite no-no.

36% woud take weight loss pills or supplements to get rid of the weight. Hmm lets see, GNC's hydroxycut, CHECK! Apple Cider Vinegar + Raw Honey boosters, CHECK! Do I fall into this category? Check!

6% are willing to go under the knife to look wedding-day ready. Hello, you think I'm that mad or what? Of course surgery has never been an option!

27% of women readers wanted to look like either Eva Longoria or Jennifer Lopez on their wedding days. The remaining 24% wanted to look like Katie Holmes, and then the final 22% wanted to look like Katherine Heigl. I wanna look fabulously me, or maybe, a little bit like Angelina Jolie in her red carpet gowns.

33% of brides-to-be want to shed 30 or more pounds for the big day. I'm not so greedy and I'll be happy if I lose another 6 pounds. 30 pounds would make me disappear into my gown whey…

11% of grooms to be want to do the same, but I suspect Eric would be happy to lose about 10 more pounds. I think I'll be happy if he gains another 30 pounds, but then again I like my men with bouncy bellies kekkeke.

46% will amp up gym time in the final weeks — so, so true. I'm at the gym every day now and going for power yoga classes every day.

33% will go on a major diet to shed the last 5 to 10 pounds — errr not me lah. I'm terrible at dieting and that's why, the daily gym sessions.

30% will try on the dress daily to make sure it still fits — that's me all right. Oh btw I've managed to pull the back zip up to the top completely, but I'd be happy to get a little leaner so that the dress can be altered to look tighter (its a woman thing, crazy I know, but women do understand that all brides wanna look thin on their wedding day)!!

All right then, I'm going to make myself another glass of apple cider vinegar mix… here's to a successful slim-me-down two weeks before the wedding!!

I never thought it would be this difficult, leaving you, after so many years together, just you and me, the two of us. When Dad left, I remember the difficult times, the tears, the conflicts, the shouts and the insults we throw at each other. More like siblings than mother and daughter, that's us, our relationship, and then now, in less than a month, I'll be moving out to start a new life with the man I love.

Silently, I'm in tears, here, as I type this because, as much as the joy is overbearing, the pain is really unbearable. My friends they tell me, 'hmmmm that can be quite difficult' but the truth is, difficult is an understatement. Because I REALLY REALLY REALLY love you very much, even though sometimes I may hurt you, and sometimes it can get difficult because I want to find my own direction too, but you are the best mother I can ever have.

I love you for giving me the space to grow up, and for encouraging Eric and I to find our own pad to build a home together. I think it must be really hard for you, Ma, because it's starting to get difficult for me now. Sometimes I close my eyes and I think of the times we would sit down and talk about your friends, and then we'll talk about what happened at my office. Or the times I'd sulk because the herbal soup that you spent so many hours boiling was too bitter for me.

I know I can visit you daily, my home's just a 20 minute drive away, but it's not the same - the thought of you staying alone at home, sleeping alone, it gets unbearable, and it drives me to tears. So yes, there's not just tears of joy, but there's tears of real pain, and it really really hurts.

An ex-colleague, he was talking about his daughter's wedding a month back, and he had tears in his eyes as he said, 'Rasa sayu je, tapi I'm happy she's married, dia perlu jaga keluarga sendiri, I pun tak nak dia balik setiap malam ke rumah saya, but yes, rasa sayu.'