just minishorts.

I never thought it would be this difficult, leaving you, after so many years together, just you and me, the two of us. When Dad left, I remember the difficult times, the tears, the conflicts, the shouts and the insults we throw at each other. More like siblings than mother and daughter, that's us, our relationship, and then now, in less than a month, I'll be moving out to start a new life with the man I love.

Silently, I'm in tears, here, as I type this because, as much as the joy is overbearing, the pain is really unbearable. My friends they tell me, 'hmmmm that can be quite difficult' but the truth is, difficult is an understatement. Because I REALLY REALLY REALLY love you very much, even though sometimes I may hurt you, and sometimes it can get difficult because I want to find my own direction too, but you are the best mother I can ever have.

I love you for giving me the space to grow up, and for encouraging Eric and I to find our own pad to build a home together. I think it must be really hard for you, Ma, because it's starting to get difficult for me now. Sometimes I close my eyes and I think of the times we would sit down and talk about your friends, and then we'll talk about what happened at my office. Or the times I'd sulk because the herbal soup that you spent so many hours boiling was too bitter for me.

I know I can visit you daily, my home's just a 20 minute drive away, but it's not the same - the thought of you staying alone at home, sleeping alone, it gets unbearable, and it drives me to tears. So yes, there's not just tears of joy, but there's tears of real pain, and it really really hurts.

An ex-colleague, he was talking about his daughter's wedding a month back, and he had tears in his eyes as he said, 'Rasa sayu je, tapi I'm happy she's married, dia perlu jaga keluarga sendiri, I pun tak nak dia balik setiap malam ke rumah saya, but yes, rasa sayu.'