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Learning to communicate

Filed under Love & relationships

I'm both excited and nervous at the realization that my singlehood is about to come to an end very, very soon. We were chatting at Jaya32′s Pappa Rich toda, my fiance, his best man and myself, chatting over a very strange concoction of lychee cincau, when Eric asked the best man why hasn't he managed to stay in a relationship, or whether he actually plans to get married one day.

'I am not putting off the possibility that I will get married one day, but I need to find the right woman,' he said. So I chipped in,

'What happened to the one you were dating earlier?'

'I couldn't stand her complaining. I guess there's the number one criteria, I really can't stand a woman who keeps complaining.'

Eric grinned and then patted him on the back, 'Oh hoh hoh, good luck man. TRUST ME, EVERY WOMAN COMPLAINS… tell me when you do find one who doesn't.'

Stupid dungu of a future-husband I have.

I look at it this way. We women, we have this need inbuilt into us, or maybe as Eckhart Etolle calls it, our pain-bodies have resulted in us being severely dissatisfied beings that just have to seek for opportunitiees to keep ourselves feeling pain all the time. And as a result of being in pain, we make noises about it, so yes yes, we complain, we rant, but we look at it as a way of expressing ourselves, its how we communicate something.

So if you're male, single and looking for more than just sex in a woman but want someone who doesn't complain, dude, think of the voices as wind in your ears, and if it hurts your drums too much, imagine that you've grown imaginary wings that can flap the noise away. Or if your girlfriend or wife's nagging voice is starting to annoy the shit out of you, surprise her and look at her, and then tell her, 'does it matter, I LOVE YOU no matter what…'

Or just keep quiet and pretend to pay attention. Come on, if we girls can pay attention to you when you talk about how big a model's boobs are, or how fantastic it is to have a manifold intake installed into your car, and how lovely those latest RM6k rims would look on your racer, I'm sure you can give us THAT little bit of space to let out all the steam in the air. My Eric does that, whenever I'm stressed at work because my staff's a little too dense to understand my instructions or my boss requires me to do something strange and completely out of sync with normal practices or whenever my mom annoys me because she complains so much, or whenever I go shopping and I find out that they're not offering any discounts on a bag I have been eyeing for weeks, I will call Eric and throw all my pains in the world to him.

He listens to me bitch and rant, and he allows me to scold him and shout at him and complain about how lousy he treats me  (but he treats me well lah), because he knows I'm there for him to listen to him rave about cars, and car magazines, I'm there for him to discuss which actress has a better body (Jessica Biel is so whoa), and I'm still there even though he says I've got thunder arms.

So we take some, we give some, is a cliche that is oversaid but definitely necessary. There's a whole lot of other idiosyncrasies about staying in a marriage that previously both Eric and I have never explored before. Trust, among a few things… but that's something to talk about in another post altogether. But there's this little thing I learnt about men and women, in general, is that we are way way different communicators. When a woman is quiet, withdrawn, and requests to be left alone, beware,she's really really angry. If she rants and raves and screams, annoying as it is, it is actualy really really easy to take her out of her rage.

And its the opposite for men.. When a man is quiet, withdrawn, and requests to be left alone, it means he's really happy. Now doesn't that revelation makes you think God has a very naughty sense of humour when he made us such opposing communication types?