I want to admit first, that I'm not exactly the most gracious of people, and I'll be the first to claim to be a very judgemental, naughty, and sinful person.

It's not easy to start writing this, and believe me, I've wanted to jot down my thoughts on the matter of people  claiming to have had God spoken to them for some time already. I do know I'm a very strong-minded person, and I psychoanalyse characters far too often for my own good, and sometimes, I react very violently in public towards behaviours which are, in my opinion, 'abnormally dangerous' towards the good of society.

So trust me, when I say that this is not that easy to own up to, especially since I have tonnes of friends and people I care about who very openly declare how affectionate God Jesus often speaks to them in their moments in struggle. Most of these, of course, come from the evangelistic-pentecostal-charimatic camps of Christianity, of which my roots in the faith sprouted and grew.

But my worthless two sen is this: I think some people who always get so blatantly proud and boast about how God often talks to them, and how the spirit always moves them to do 'strange' things,  just like to pepper up their spirit experiences to sound a little more loved than the rest of us.

One of the reasons I find it highly doubtful that God's voice resonates thunderously in the actions of their lives is how these recollections of 'the moment God spoke', sounds so dubiously 'miniscule', often over the tiniest thing that shouldn't even be a struggle, like, for instance, 'I am telling you not to smoke anymore.'

'Listen to me, God here, I want you to stop talking to that person because he doesn't believe in me.'

Or, 'Be still, God speaking, turn off the lights.'

And, 'Wait, I'm the Holy Spirit, and I am telling you, give away that which is precious to you.'

To me hoh, if you TOLD me something like that = what God told you to do, I'll be thinking in my head, 'OMG you so stupid meh, cannot even be kind to yourself, to the world, to a poor man until it takes God to come to you in some thunderous voice to tell you to do something so easy – you would've done it anyway if you read the bible often enough or if you hung out with people-loving Christians / people often enough.'

So, when they recount how the spirit spices up their lives, I seem to get this impression that these people are also trying to ram it into my head the other subliminal message, i.e., 'You know, I'm doing it right, more right than you're doing it.'

Simply because, 'You know why? Holy spirit speaks to me, and He doesn't speak to you. In fact, Holy spirit Sayang me more because I KNOW, I can speak in fiery babblings I call tongues and you scoff at it.'

To be honest, I don't scoff at tongues. I just sit up and be a little more alert around people who claim to be anointed, and holier than me, and more precious to God than I am. Now this isn't because I strongly believe that God doesn't take sides in life, nor is it because I believe that God doesn't have favourites. It's purely because whenever someone claims so certainly that having the ability to speak in tongues demonstrates that he/she has the power of the holy spirit (and therefore you and I minions of people who just 'claim to sayang Jesus' do not have the Holy Spirit), they're just inviting me to be a little more careful to notice the details around them.

Then I start to see the disparities. Like, if the Holy Spirit is so powerful in you, why are you so unkind towards the poor. Or, if you're so filled in the Spirit, why are you having so many tiny struggles in life that always ends up with God booming in his thunderous voice telling you to do something that you don't like to do?'

Or, if the Holy Spirit is so strong in you, why are you so troubled that your neighbour who is still fervently devout towards her ancestors will not accept salvation from Christ?

Or, if the Holy Spirit is so so so heavily invested in your soul, why is it you are so intent on pushing me to attend services of tarrying and soul-healing and fire-miracle sessions even when I've clearly stated that I already attend another church?

Since when was my Jesus not good enough for you?

I just wanted to say that we're not all strange crazy folk who're intent on casting all non-believers to hell like THAT Christian friend you know. Nah-ah, at least, I'm not like that.