just minishorts.

When I was not yet in a relationship, my mother gave me a list of things I have to look for when I agreed to go out with a man.

1. Must be Chinese.
2. Must be older than you.
3. Must not be 6 years older, because Monkey clash with Tiger.
4. Must be educated at least until university.
5. Must have stable job.
6. Must have car.
7. Must be loyal.
8. Must not be Muslim.
9. Must not be kiam siap, otherwise susah whole life.
10. Must not be lazy, otherwise you have to work your entire life to feed your husband.
    
11. Must not like to talk to other women except you only.
12. Must not be a smoker.
13. Must not drink too much.
14. Preferably hokkien. Preferably if pure hokkien.
15. Preferably earning more than you.
16. Preferably at least 3 years older than you.
17. Preferably from a well-to-do family.
18. Preferably willing to pay everything for you and has the your money is your money, my money is also your money kind of attitude.

… I think the list was far longer than 18 items, and I'm glad to say that I've broken most of the rules except for #1, 8, 12, 16,17, and 18.

Yesterday I read April's blog hoh, and I found out that her mother has discreetly given her an almost identical list also. Oh oh, this is so cool. It means that kindred spirits have the same demanding parents, tee-hee.

… is yet another rip off the Mix Breakfast topic. Yes, yes, I listen to Mix FM every morning (how's that for online endorsement of an already popular radio show?). I used to like Lil' Kev and Fly Guy, but I suppose, people age, and after a while, I had to migrate from 92.9 to 94.5 so now I'm hooked on Richard, Shaz and Ika every morning. The topics usually don't disappoint, except unfortunately, I've got only less than 1/2 hour to amuse myself with the callers' responses.

So anyway, Ika and Natalie the guest asked the listeners this today:

'Will money help heal a broken heart?'

(Can you tell? I'm terribly interested in topics that involve boy-girl relationships, oh silly me!)

Every caller I heard (all three of them) said, 'No.' When your heart is broken, you can't heal the broken heart. A girl even said, 'It's never going to change, once your heart is broken you can't change ever… not ever going to be healed.'

Blah. I happen to think that money DOES help to heal a broken heart. Because I've been there, I've been through this. Money will help to provide all the medication you need to keep you busy, to keep you motivated to go out and meet more people, and after a while, you'll realise, money plays a very, very, important role in help changing the way you look so that you can move out of that rut you're stuck in since getting your heart broken by the last bastard who told you he loved you.

That's what I think lah. Cos I've had my share of broken hearts, once when I was still studying and poor, and the second time when I was already working and earning my own keep. And I'll say this, it's a hell of a difference. When you're living mostly off what your parents can afford you, there's only so much you can do to keep yourself busy. Because your parents pay for the bill, you can't get out, you're stuck in the curfews and requirements your parents have set for you. Apart from having to endure the immense pain of being left out alone, you still have to be the obedient kid so you can't very well splurge, nor can you spend the whole night out with friends, nor can you decide to throw and destroy things just to feel better. You're required to mend your bleeding heart by your parents' standards, and trust me, its NOT easy.

When you're independent, and you control the money you earn and own, it becomes different. You can choose to spend and overshoot your credit limit, who cares? Purchase-binging is awesome therapy when you've got bloodshot eyes and a tired chest. The last time I broke up I spent a bomb on books. And then after a while of splurging I got broke, and left with a pathetic figure in my bank account I had to do something in order to earn the money I lost. That's when I threw myself into the work and concentrated on getting money.

So of course, money speaks a lot about how you manage break-ups. Having a lot of money affords you the luxury of retail therapy, and you can choose to pamper yourself with spas and facials and other things to make yourself feel better. Even a trip overseas (I've seen friends going on month-long breaks just to mend a broken up, you think if you're poor you can do that?) If you had no money, you'd be motivated to work hard. You should be motivated anyway. And throwing your heart and soul into your work helps you take your mind off the pains of a bad break up.

That's what I think anyway.

I was listening to Ika on the Mix-Breakfast today. Topic was cute.

Do you believe in finding love, or do you feel that love has to find you?

Anyway, THAT was the topic. The callers who called in were all men though, although I only listened in from 7.30 to 8 am onwards. Thing is, one of the guys who called in was amazingly thick.

'I don't know why lah, but love always seems to find me. I'm married already but love always seems to find me.'

Heh? Perasannya.

Of course, the DJ was nice. 'Really? And you're married? And your wife doesn't mind?'

'Well, of course she minds.'
'Then what do you do about that?'
'I can't help it. I just go out with these women lah sometimes, she can't do anything about it. Not all the time lah.'
'Really? What is it about you that makes you so desirable?'
'Well, I think it must be because… I'm good looking!!'

*Puke*

But anyway, since I really liked the question, when Eric called I decided I had to ask him the magic question, 'Eh… ask you something.'

'What?'
'Did you find love or did love find you?'
'What type of question is that?'
'Ok ok sorry I rephrase. Did we find love or did love find us?'
'Erm…We found love and love found us… we found each other…
'Wah lau…'
'And then we come together!!!!!'

Trust Eric to sesat-ify my Monday morning like that.

I've seen marriages breakdown far too many times because of the other woman. I don't know about you, but it sometimes beats me why a man is capable of inflicting so much hurt on another person, especially when that person is someone who has sacrificed at least 20 odd years to build a marriage. You know? Have kids and all, stayed with him through thick and thin, helped build a strong family while he built his careers.

I've known far too many women who started off having fantastic careers, and then somewhere along their marriages, decided it would be best to give it up for the family, and after that when the man's career goes steadily up the ladder, so does the marriage come spiralling down.

20 years, 3 children and a dog later, he walks into the house, out of the blue, and announces it, 'I've met someone else. I want to go with her. I'm divorcing you.'

Well, most women emerge strong enough to rebuild their lifes, and look back on what happened with a definite spat of bitterness. But I wonder, I wonder, why on earth do we get so stupid?

Why is it that a 25 year old girl, with plenty of things to run for in life, would settle down with a man who's old enough to be her father?

Is it the money? The promise of a shortcut to branded stuff? That Rolex on your hand? The range of LaMer facial products you get to sport on your table? The Chanel bag you probably would never get to own ever had you chosen to try to make it on your own?

And so you find it PERFECTLY all right to barge in, and take over the place of another woman? Just for the heck of materialistic needs like this?

Why did you get so stupid? Where's the dignity in being such a bitch?

This is actually a very, very personal post, but I just had to have it categorised under (S)he. Because I'm terribly elated.

After months, even years of lamenting the problem of having to face that stupidly pestering question, 'When are you getting married ah?', today, justice is finally served.

Eric called me during lunch a while ago to complain about him having to face that question. 'I get it a lot lah now, everyone is asking me when am I getting married.'

HAH! I TOLD YOU SO. Padan you punya muka. Heh!