just minishorts.

Ordinary is when you get to the office after taking two days off thanks to a medical chit, and then wishing that the doctor had allowed you three days away instead. Its when you feel shitty and decide to call the fiance on your mobile phone only to have him go, 'OK dear, can I call you later, I'm a little tied up right now.'

Ordinary is when it's been 3 hours and he's still tied up and not yet in. And then its when you surf the blogosphere afte eons of never doing so and then, its stumbling upon the blogs by the famous 'greats' down under in Singapore. Its when you go, 'Huh? Still on ah that girl,' and for some reason, regretting you'd ever pen that crazy story about a fictitious pink dog with curls.

Its reading the papers every day fearing that some crazy reporter who called you yesterday would have forgotten not to quote your name, and then its answering e-mails from colleagues who insist that their grand big project requires a feature in the papers (as if we owned them local media, these people, really). It's trying to decide on whether to go to Koh Samui or to Bali for a honeymoon, and deciding that the budget would be a little under RM4000 either way for a five day four day relaxation trip after the wedding. Its occasionally looking back to those 'older days' and wondering about what would have happen had another choice been made, would free first class trips be part of the lifestyle?

Ordinary is deciding that an enviable lifestyle isn't about frivolous things like gorgeous brands, hanging out with famous peoples and getting featured in MTVs. Its about making that conscious choice to choose selecting invitation card printers who offer the lowest prices, and debating religious topics online, and bitching about crazy colleagues and lazy cashiers, and mad fundamentalists complaining about how spiritually unsound and dirty places like Thailand are.

It's about painfully keying in the url to Malaysiakini and feeling disgusted at the things that's reported on that site, its about getting worried, and thinking about what's going to happen next. Its about waiting for that month-end paycheck and wishing to God that you would get a raise soon.

Ordinary is about worrying about the things that matter.

I've got less than four months to walking down the aisle.

*panic mode kicking in*

Acks! Shoes - tak siap, Eric's suit - tak siap, church reservations - tak siap, flowers - tak siap, invitation card designs - tak siap, guest list finalization - tak siap, make up trial - tak siap, bridesmaid's dress - tak siap , flower girl's dresses - tak siap, everything else… tak siap!

OMG how on earth did time fly so fast?!!!!

Could not resist doing the translated bit for the title. And I wrote this in some comment a few days ago, and today I'm feeling this pain again!

I'm almost resigned to the fact that we have the problem of a very weak country. And to add to the problem of our ailments, we have entire generations of citizens who are bent on protecting the subsidy-based system that is synonymous with what is known as Malaysianism.

Our education system, in the first place, as the economists seem to love to say, distorts reality. When you segregate young people according to race, they grow up unable to survive in a real-world context. Hence when people finally get thrown into the working world they’re shocked (some people have never used a pair of chopsticks in their life, and others actually go around discussing how disgusting it is that some people actually use their hands to eat their food).

Secondly, the ‘meritrocracy’ system and a scholarship system to allow the ‘poor’ education opportunities, or to create a ‘fairer’ demography in the various professional field has distorted the reality. So you have groups of people thinking that because they get straight As they’re able to fly through life (that’s why crazy PSD students INSIST on going overseas no matter what), and others who just because they had to slogged through Form 6 and didn’t get to enter bumi-exclusive colleges, they actually believe that they’re better than the UiTM malay kid who scored straight As… we go into the office space suspicious of everybody else, and we live in little bubbly worlds of make-believe. THe irony is none of us are THAT good anyway.

Plus we have survived and even thrived the past 50 years on a low-wage system, causing a severe brain drain… we have genius, sponsored Malaysians opting to migrate and start new lives overseas where the pay is better and the transportation system is better,so what’s left and what remains in this country is literally the ’saki-baki’ that’s not that great in the first place. So even if we wanted to ’start over’, we don’t have the ingredients to start over. And if we throw out the low-wage system, we’re going to lose our foreign investors who came here in the first place because we offered low-wage workers (which also meant they could overlook some of our misgivings, i.e. engineers, accountants, doctors, lawyers, professionals who aren’t that good anyway).

And finally the worst thing is this, because of a pathetic and misleading education system that has ‘worked’ for the past 50 years, we have at least 2 generations of youthful Malaysians who believe that just because they have a degree they have the right to be paid high salaries and they have the right to demand better working environments, and they have the right to demand for better employers- and you already see the problem, people would rather pay a premium to import foreign workers, and we have our own children, graduates yes and NOT working but lepaking around expensive malls. And then when they can’t do anything, they get absorbed into some retraining thing, get paid allowances (subsidies, anyone), and we’re left with just that. A HUGE SORE in the body called Malaysia that just isn’t going to go anywhere, anytime soon.

Can't resist this one also: And then to top it up with the 'I'm so great mentality' that Malaysians just love to have (a huge part thanks to our hugely egoistic ex PM the dear Tun with his Malaysia Boleh mantra), we have judges who keep a grudge and choose to allow a wound of humiliated and fractured egoes to fester over 10 years, and turn up in court to tell a juicily memalukan tale of how his previously fantastic ego was shattered so shoddily at 'boot camp'. And then of course our crazy border-side petrol station owners who bitch about how the axing of subsidized petrol to foreigners will cause them to loose business (selfishness, anyone?), and people going around screaming 'blatant lies' without producing any physical proof to dispute the lies…

So, sekarang nasi dah jadi bubur, mana nak cari nasi baru ni?

I've just started Season 3 in my catch-up with Grey's Anatomy weekends.

…

Three Seasons on and I've decided. It's Dallas in a Hospital. Pretty male doctors (McDreamy, McSteamy), hot chick doctors, and some okay-and-so-so medical plots (tree through a kid, anyone?), and while the show is tolerable (thanks to Dr Miranda Bailey + Dr Cristina Yang, both combined makes a decent copy of the inimitable Hugh Laurie), and its got way way better sets than Dr House (some scenes in House are just unbelievable!), it's biggest let down is…

ELLEN POMPEO.

Shucks I fucking hate that woman.

Seriously, 'she's managed to make my pseudo crush on Patrick Dempsey go poof, and even though he was passable on Made Of Honour, I just can't stand the fact that he's actually in love with her 'I don't know what to do with myself but I just have to pick one and you know I think both of them are pretty good', miserable, useless, and pathetically crappy behaviour.

Meredith Grey has got to be one of the most annoying protagonists on TV. And Ellen Pompeo's nasal voiceovers is really, really annoying.

…

It's Friday the 13th.

What an awesome day to get back to work (I took leave from all the stress yesterday and stayed home to roost and laze around.)

You would guess, you would be right, its hell where I am, its painful to keep to principles, its hard getting people to understand passion, and directions in which passion should be… its difficult to get what people are saying, its difficult to get people to understand what you are saying.

And on top of that, a fixed payment over three years… doesn't help cushion rising inflation, and hey, my wedding is impending.

Pretend I don't know, Pretend I don't know, Pretend i don't know…

And then, the days are numbered.