Just Me

I haven't done a weekend musing in years. I guess, time caught up with my poor soul, the cynicism of life and its realities distracted my mind from the thoughts it was used to running. And so whenever I had the time to actually pen down my thoughts, my thoughts were haggard and reluctant, quite limited by the barriers I had allowed to spring up around me.

Of course I'm not talking about the part of my life where I work at living it with my family - the fun part that includes Paul, Eric and everyone in between. Although I do confess, I am restricted by the knowledge that Aunty Slim and Uncle Fat, and their kids Gorgeous and Mediocre and Ugly and they and their cousins Enchanting, Unremarkable, Commonplace and Glamorous too have their prying eyes upon the things I write.

Occasionally I do wish I weren't so well read by my family, because family, oh well, family being family, they have their two-sen about everything under the sun; especially how it is so fun to read and see the photos that this show-it-all post but how unChinese and unTraditional and unSuitable it is to be such a show-it-all on the net.

'It's not good for Paul you know, it's not good, Chinese must pantang a bit, don't put so many photos up.'

You should see the sort of stuff MY FRIENDS put of their kids online, and besides, I've got a cutesy cousin who's already bared all by posting up all our child-time photos on Facebook for all to see! I can only thank God I was partially adorable as a plump little four year old, but all I have that was private is alas, alas gone.

I also happened, btw, to notice that I am terribly lousy on the weekdays, and especially during office hours when I can sneak in about fifteen minutes to do a 'I personally feel that the world should be like this' kind of post. The words come out wrong, the musings aren't musings at all, and perhaps, because the work beckons me and keeps tapping on my shoulders, I splat out concepts in between office responsibilities, and in those moments of 'me'-time in the office, I'm tired, cynical, beyond comprehension, angry, upset, passive, insolent.

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Right now, I just feel extremely good and proud of myself. The kid's asleep at 9.12, hubby's out to have his 'me'-time and me, I'm finally here with a proper 'me'-time. I guess after getting married over one and a half years ago, I've put my 'me'-time aside for 'us'-time, and yes, yes, while it was good, I could never get down to properly resting. In the past, I spent my 'me'-time chatting online, listening to music, watching movies, writing here whenever I had a thought, and then that part of me would be recorded charmingly or uncharmingly. It was good.

I should do this more often.