just minishorts.

Midnight. It's been ages since I did this - log in in the middle of the night and start writing down all the things that's flowing out of the top of my head. These months have been strangely different, yet strangely comforting. So it's true, I'm growing into the shoes I told myself that I could wear eventually, and they're getting to be quite comfortable.

Is this me? I am who I choose to be, of course, and then I do believe that you create your own destiny in the piece of paper that God gives to you as your life.

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The analogy of life, in my eyes is like this. When I was born, I was born into a piece of art block - my life. The colours on it, the strokes that I allow on it, the pictures that will appear to narrate the tales of my life, that's completely up to my free will. I'm safe because I'm within the boundaries of my very own God-given art block, and it's a huge piece of paper, this life. The coolest thing is, I've only just completed 1/4 of the painting, or is it just 1/40? I don't really know. When this life is over, my life will be another one of those fantastic masterpieces in God's humongous gallery.

Hebat kan? The imagery that arrives in the middle of the night. I'm odd like that. This is probably the reason why when I was in publishing, I use to enjoy the long nights and the late mornings, because being the owl I am, my brain clocks in its imaginative works the moment midnight falls.

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I'm still in Kota Bharu, dreading the next day. If I could I would still time and wish that this moment would never end, time would stop moving, and I could be here on holiday forever. It's fun also because Eric is next door snoring (we can't share a room yet, next year maybe), and I'm not entirely looking forward to tomorrow's flight home (because home - KL - means works).

Perhaps it's no accident that as I type that I'm listening to Delirious's Miracle Maker. It's an amazing song, seriously, you don't have to be Christian to love the song, whoever you believe God to be, the song is an apt tune of praise. This is probably the first video I've pasted on this blog in years.

Sigh LOVE these songs! Why did they have to be 'Christian'? OK… no need to be Christian also can enjoy the song okay… and seriously, don't blame the Charismatics for being 'weird' people who only will listen to Praise and Worship. With songs like this, who needs Madonna?

I read them! It's no that I don't. The Bersih walk (btw, Vincent, hate me but I SUPPORT THE WALK, plus I was smart enough to have agreed to Eric's gift, so I was on a ship while my friends marched with my hopes for the country!) Then I terbaca somewhere about blogwars (or was it a real life wars) and got a little bit puzzled. And then I decided being a very private person makes it easy to just let it be, and then I went back to enjoying life.

And then I went to the exit-culture event where my fiance was walking out of his first weekend of the Leadership Programme, and went mad jumping and shouting around (oh, the things that we cult-junkies do, you wouldn't understand), and then me and my maid-of-honour spent an hour slashing my silly budget (now, officially, I shall only spend RM100 only bouquet, and it's going to be hand made yippie!!).

After which I came to the office and realized yet again that I had driven for 20 kilometres and I left the essential notebook in the house. So as I was hopelessly looking for a way to run back home to get it, the boss's PA reminded me of a meeting at the Ministry hub over in Putrajaya happening only 40 minutes. And the meeting was… Well…

I have some things to say about who's manning the show, but obviously thanks to my job I can't exactly say much, so I'm going to be mum about it.

Wait a minute… yah actually, we're having a pretty hard time …

Actually we're not, I quite believe the people above are having a pretty hard time too…

Did you know that in actual fact, people are genuinely nice, with good intentions at all. Put one guy in front of the mike and camera and if he says that he hates corruption and hates racisms and hates bribery and hates radicalism, he's probably speaking the truth. However, ahah, corporations are evil.

And when government are run like corporations, how can they be not evil?

Repeat after me, the government is evil. The opposition is evil. Put people in a group and they behave like weird cult members. Human beings are evil.

An old friend would say this, 'THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THE HUMAN RACE.'

I totally agree.

I just got back, well, actually I got home a few days ago, but just got back to the blog…

I went on a cruise with the fiance, it's something like a happy engagement gift that cost him another small fortune (well, at least, whatever he paid for the trip was enough for me to rent a nice dress at My Dream Wedding House), but I'm not exactly complaining.

I have firmly decided that I love cruises. I really do. I LOVE the food that's on the cruise, and I love the activities they have on it, I love the gambling of course, but more important I love the food.

Wait, I said that already.

NO HOW CAN ANYONE NOT LIKE THE FOOD THAT IS ON THE CRUISE?

Sigh… so yummy!!

I caught the flu at the weekend. Actually it started with an itch at the corners of my throat, and then before I knew it was was coughing through the night. By the time the sneezing started I was it.

Here it is, another week of sleepless nights thanks to the rest-interfering middle of the night coughs. This always, always happens to me whenever I'm stressed out and suffering from sleep deprivation. And you thought getting sick means getting the excuse to get an MC to call in sick and try to spend the rest of the day in bed eh? The problem with getting sick MY way is, I always catch the cough at the same time, making it IMPOSSIBLE to catch the desired amount of shut-eye you need in order to cure that damned flu.

(I woke up 4 times last night to drink some warm water to sooth the throat…)

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The planning has started btw. We went to the TaiThong Bridal fair at Royal China Restaurant on Saturday, and for some reason I was so excited I couldn't quite contain myself. Eric was evil, he DELIBERATELY (yes I assure you he was deliberately being mean to me) took a one-hour long bath so that we would be almost late (I told you that the fair would close at 5 pm!!) and by the time we left my home, it was 3.45 pm. But of course my fiance is Mr Experienced, knowing obviously that we wouldn't be able to book any good slots during a bridal fair (people at TT Group told us that the package only counts for Sunday to Friday dinner bookings and our wedding is DEFINITELY going to be on a Saturday)… But we made a point to agree at least, that we would be checking out the Mont Kiara branch, and maybe Sime Darby Convention Centre this week.

I heard that SDCC's banquet service sucks though, but I LOVE THE PLACE, it looks quite awesome.

Oh yeah we've also decided to scrap the whole shoot-the-pre-wedding photos works… now THIS you've got to blame TaipeiTaiwan's bridal fair set up at the restaurant on Sunday. Darn the dresses and the photos that they showed to us were so outrageously posed and fake Eric and I had to sustain from the laughter. (I know we're elitist bastards and we still believe we're the best looking couple around)…

All right at the risk of sounding like a mean, OTT, I am holier-than-thou bitch, I'm putting all this down… I also know that the chances of me turning out like a feathered hooker on my very own wedding is rising by the minute… but here's where I've got to say being less financially-abled to actually hold the wedding of your dreams actually helps because you've got to cut costs everywhere.

Now I'm really exploring the possibility of tailor making THE DRESS (I did put this down before). TaipeiTaiwan said that rental for their dresses go from RM1000 - RM1500 PER PIECE for a week, and Eric nearly puked at their sales rep's comment on, 'Its because it's newer and more fashionable that's why…' which was when I dragged him to MJ in BB Plaza where I dug out a RM259.00 dress (before discount) Arthur Yen dress… which made him say, 'OK let's go get your own dress and maybe you can keep it an turn it into something else after the wedding.'

So, where to find a good tailor? Help?

*DONG DONG DONG*

In between work yesterday (a.k.a. while waiting for my boss to approve a draft speech), I took some time to quickly do a spreadsheet on the budget we'll be working on for the wedding.

Church ceremony, luncheon, dinner, makeup artists, invitation cards, the dress, his tux, photographers, videographers, decorations, THE HOUSE!, the dinner, favours, the corsages, the bouquets, the boutonnieres, car-decorations, the renovations, the kitchen utensils, the this, the that, the blah… OMG I can buy a Honda City with the whole works!

…

If I don't invite you to the wedding hoh, its not that I don't like you lah okay, it's because I'm too stingy, and I don't quite think your angpau can cover my expenses. *wink*

..

Thus begins the stress…