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Growing up.

Filed under Love & relationships

Growing up means getting your qualifications in place, finding a great job, finding love, falling out of love, making that commitment, signing those legal documents, trying for a baby, getting that baby, learning how to cope, becoming a mommy, getting a maid of your own for the first time.

We sort of missed that step of 'buying your own house'. Hilarious, because I've been working in the property line for some time now. Halfway through my job discovering public relations for the property industry, Eric came home and told me, 'Okay, I'm going to get that house.'

'HUH?'

Understand that we're living in times where the prices of homes, especially those built on freehold land, have risen considerably. To top it up, I work for a company that aims to position itself as a upper-middle to luxury-class kind of developer, so prices of RM 700,000 for a house is… common sight.

How on earth are we ever going to afford a new home? So I thought, maybe one day, we'll inherit our parents' home (we're lucky like that), or we'll move back in with parents, look around in older neighbourhoods for a more affordable old place, spend some money in renovations, and then, continue growing up together.

Okay, my husband can be very chauvinistic at times. Before I could even rationalize anything, he stopped me. Or maybe, okay, I'm not that reasonable and soft spoken in real life. My reaction was.

'HUH? Can or not? how to afford? Eh you know how expensive houses are or not? you crazy ah? Wanna buy new house? Hello where to find money?'

So Eric said, 'Shut up Choo Ki, this thing, I'm the man. I decide, you just move in and do as I say.'

So okay lor.

Anyway we signed the S&P agreement the day Paul was born, the lawyer came to my hospital suite to make sure I signed off on it, and since then we've been counting down. Another one year + six months to go before we get the keys, and then, there comes the decorating and the ID-ing.

Or maybe I'll start researching ideas now.

Again.

Filed under Just Me

Turning point.  I seem to run into that a lot, but fortunately they're spaced out far enough from each other for me to experience the transitions properly. Today when I discussed with my husband the finality of my decision, we both agreed that I'm especially blessed like that.

At least, I try to look at it optimistically. This recurring theme in my life is almost patterned, and sometimes, rather predictable.

Okay, sorry for the lamentations. The truth is, I am thankful. Truly, truly thankful.

…

A friend's msg:

'Hey Chooks, congrats! Make a huge impact with the opportunity.'

…

And yes, that's of course the common goal.

Chickens

Filed under Rants

I'm blunt. If a spade is a spade, I don't see the need to dress it up and present in any other way, why waste words? Usually when I go cryptic, it's because I just want to play around with words and see how they turn out. I do notice that being politely menacing can be quite fun – and that sorta results in sarcasm, obviously dim-witted people won't see the arrows shooting at them, which is ideal.

So seriously, I don't understand why some people have to hide behind pathetic cowardice like fake IDs and fake emails, dropping comments in other people's blog posts, committing character assassination along the way.

I don't pretend I'm perfect, and seriously I'm not here to please the whole world, so I'm perfectly all right with the knowledge that for every 10 people who love me for who I am, there will be 100 others who will hate me for the same reason people love me for. Like it or not, we're all like that - you can please all, and certainly you're not here to please all!

I do wish that these chickens would just grow up – even though well, you can't expect a coward to suddenly grow the courage to come clean. So they'll lurk around, drop messages here and there, and well, nowadays they've gone quite wild. I wouldn't have written this post if it's the same modus operandi, you see, I've been getting hate comments all these years and I'm grown rather immune to them. Except this time around, they're going around dropping comments in my friends' blogs, and blogs of people I don't even know!

So okay, I'll please you once you dumb chicken. I read those comments of yours, ouch they're hurtful. Boo hoo I cried. Now I don't expect you to grow up, in the same way you can't expect to have me confine to whatever idealistic role model I should turn into. I know these jibes aren't going to go away anytime soon. And well, it's nice to keep having you follow me. A wise man said once, that when you start to have people hating you, then you must have done something really impactful. Great people usually have legions of haters.

Thanks for feeding my ego. Really.

Good heavens, it’s October

Filed under Just Me

And on that note, here's a mental note that I have officially spent 1 year and 3 months at the current workplace. It's also just another 25 days till I hit the big 3-0 and another 30 days exactly till our third anniversary!

I await the coming days with hope, excitement, and lots of optimism.

…

Speaking of optimism: once upon a time, a blogging friend told me that I had too much optimism to the point that it's almost 'fatally absurd'. My hubby describes this characteristic in another way though, he calls it 'overtly naive'. According to hubby, it's sometimes crazy how clumsily I make my way through this jungle of life, and the way I put my trust in strangers sometimes spell recipes for sure disasters.

'Girl one day you get burnt then you cry, I don't like to see you cry.'

The thing about being me is, I tend to get burnt quite a lot, because you know, my friend and my husband are right, this is a bad bad world and bad bad people are really everywhere, and you really can't trust people too much.

…

But somehow I figured that you can't spend too much time frowning and speculating on who to trust and who not to trust either. Or maybe, it's hard-wired into my system to just… you know… stumble along with minimal care. Sure I get burnt, and boy do i cry… but the good thing is, when great things happen to me, they're really rainfalls from heaven and they're AMAZINGLY God sent – to the point that the people around will go, 'SERIOUSLY.'

I do a lot of 'Seriously' exclamations to myself too - especially when I stumble upon strokes of luck that just happen out of nowhere.

…

It's nice to live life with minimal care. Living dangerously has it's many perks. Ultimately, it makes my life full and joyful. I'm thankful for that.

*Counting down.*

Conversations with Paul

Filed under Love & relationships, Parenting & kids

I've having a little bit of a personal struggle right now, and there are so many things I want to write about and rant about, and yet because it's sensitive, I keep this dilemma to a few close friends, and of course family.

Eric is ever the patient listener, but of course he can sometimes be a frustrating partner because – well, Eric is a typical guy who is constantly trying to fix my problems! Occasionally Eric turns into the frustration – and maybe because being so new to motherhood has me lamenting on personal time lost – and I'll be frank, sometimes I get a little jealous that Eric gets to go to the gym and hang out with friends more often than I do. Thank God, Eric's infamous for great bear hugs and sloppy kisses, and of course, he's got Paul to help make up for all his shortcomings.

And Paul is always tonnes better than ANYONE else when it comes to being with Mommy when she's having a teary-eyed moment.

The thing about sharing my pain with Paul is, when I speak to him about it, I tend to simplify the conversation to make it child-understandable, and somehow, through the process of doing that simplification, it sort of simplifies the actual problem itself. Nothing's permanent, Paul seems to tell me, in not so many words, the innocence in his eyes and the tiny little oohs-and-ahhs he says in response to me never fail to make me crack a smile.

It isn't hard to understand why children, babies in particular, are such enchanting and magical beings. And especially when you have one of your own, you'll get to experience their authentic responses to life. Never pretentious, never listening for the sake of listening, Paul's just that – completely, honest when he talks to me. When I'm additionally animated in my expressions, he'll respond accordingly, and sometimes when I shed a tear, Paul would just quietly look at me, with a slight fear in his eyes that quickly remind me of my role as his mother and how I just have to get that 'ugly stuff' out of my head and mind and move on with the present – the present really is a bundle of joy and love!

So conversations with Paul are really like mini-lessons in living. Because he's not very good at sitting by himself yet, sometimes he topples over, and the shock of his Humpty Dumpty moment results in a quick wail – but he gets over the pain quickly, and in a split second, there he is, trying to do his little 'here, Ma, I can sit' moment again. Sometimes he kneels at his crib to teeth on the rails, and occasionally when he does this, he'll bang against the rail – the shot of pain sends him crying again. But it's always quick, always for a while, and Paul never keeps grouses against the floor or the rail. In the mornings when he wakes up, he's ever ready with a smile, always ready with wide open arms, begging you to lift him out of his crib, off the ground, out of his high chair, ever ready to join you for a quick waltz around the living room. That's my Paul for you, a little charmer who's constantly teaching me to 'not sweat the small stuff, enjoy the tiny things in life, and experience every single moment I have here with you.

So here's a Monday shout-out to the two darling guys in my life! Eric – love of my life obviously and main bacon-winner of the home, my best friend and soul mate! And of course my very own baby Paul, bringer of joy and love – every sight of him simply melts!